Well, boys and girls, silly season is upon us once again. Most people don't realise this, but Valentine's Day was actually created in an international conspiracy between greetings cards manufacturers and every single woman on the planet. The greeting card people realised that there was a lull in trade between Christmas and Easter and so decided to make us celebrate St Valentine, the patron saint of making single people feel like shit. Womankind, on the other hand, latched onto the day as a simple means of assessing the seriousness in which their menfolk held their relationships -- the more thoughtful, expensive and romantic the gift, the more they knew they were loved. Men, on the other hand, were simply greatful as it turned their chances of a blowjob up from twice a year (birthday and Christmas) to thrice.
There is a problem, though. If asked, most men would say that what a woman really wants is: chocolate, jewellry, flowers, the latest Robbie Williams CD or a boyfriend who doesn't fall asleep straight after sex (or farts during it). Bearing this in mind, and the fact that us blokes are usually have as much insight as week-old corpses, it is incredibly difficult to decide exactly what to get your significant other that will say "I am thoughtful" but won't get her comparing your gifts with the ones her ex-boyfriends used to get her (just like we also secretly hope that you don't compare penis sizes, bank balances, fashion awareness or potential fatherhood skills)
As such, FASHIONABLE MALE is pleased to offer a list of presents that you can give your ladyfriend that will let her know that you are a little different from the herd. And, ladies, if you should recieve any of the following, just remember that it comes straight from the heart and means he loves you very, very much.
GIFTS TO GET TO SHOW YOU CARE:
1/ Slim Fast
2/ A tub of KY Jelly
3/ Waxing cream,
4/ "The Evil Dead" on DVD (preferably both one and two)
5/ Herpes
6/ An ironing board
7/ A four pack of Special Brew...
8/ ... and some Bombay mix
9/ A tarantula
10/ Some blank video cassetes
11/ A bag of cat litter
12/ Wellington boots
13/ A Gimp mask
14/ The entire Slayer back catalogue
15/ "Metal Gear Solid 2"
16/ A lifesize poster of Xena: Princess Warrior
17/ A hedge trimmer
18/ Treacle
19/ Rollerskates
20/ Porn
I've just realised that I'm probably not getting laid this week....
