AFTER ALL
Actually, James Brown might have got it right after all. I mean, at least if youre a bloke:
* Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
* Your orgasms are real. Always.
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* You couldnt give a toss if someone notices your new haircut.
* Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
* Wrinkles add character.
* A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
* You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
* People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
* The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
* Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
* Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
* You can appreciate great sport.
* You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
* A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
* You can open all your own jars.
* Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
* You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
* You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
* You can kill your own food.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be our friend.
* If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
* Everything on your face stays its original colour.
* You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You don't have to clean your appartment if the electricity meter reader is coming.
* You can sit in silence watching a football game with your friend for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
* You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
* If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
* You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* You don't have to shave below your neck.
* Your belly usually hides your big hips.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
* Same job... more pay.
* The world is your urinal.
