Bored with your current relationship? Looking for a way out, but don't have the guts to just dump her ass? Want her to dump you so you can live relatively guilt free? Then you're in luck - just follow FASHIONABLE MALE's handy cut-out-and-keep (well, it would be if it was printed on paper) guide to getting dumped and you'll be laughing all the way to the nearest Single's bar before you can say "Let's be friends."

1/ Get her name tatooed onto your forehead, along with the words "FUCK OFF."

2/ Try to follow through every time you fart in bed.

3/ Get caught trying on her underwear.

4/ Call out her mum's name during sex...

5/ ...or her dad's.

6/ Take her to a fancy restaurant and start a foodfight.

7/ End every sentence with the phrase "Hail, Satan."

8/ Turn your bedroom into a shrine to Atomic Kitten and insist that she talks to you in a Scouse accent.

9/ Every time she talks, start humming. Gradually get louder until she stops, then say "Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?"

10/ Offer to be her pimp.

11/ Three magic words: "I am gay."